Reality... or hallucination?

It was a new day, new hopes, new desires, new energy. Ishan looked at the calender with an almost literal spring in his steps. It was... the 18th of April. A bag of flour would have scorned at the resistance shown by him while falling onto his bed.

18th April. He did remember this date. Was it even humanly possible for him to forget this date?

He would call his office and let them know that he wouldnt go there as he was sick - down with tearing nostalgia. Of a date that he hoped would be wiped off all calenders. For an event which he could never delete from his mind.

In general, days were not particularly tough on Ishan, it was the nights that he dreaded. The thought of coming back home to an eternity of solitude gave him shivers.

He was alone not by choice. He was alone because he had to be.

Tonight - for under such agonising pain, the world blacked out for him - was no different from the plethora of such nights, indistinguishable from each other, marked perhaps only by the strain involved in keeping himself from thinking about alternate histories.  "What if he had heard the weather forecast for the day.." , "What if he had joined Trishna, Iti and Tarun that day?", "What if..."

Trishna liked to let her hair out to dry. Iti had started copying her mother and would always call out " Dad, look.. I have hair like Ma."...

Ishan hated life, the day, and the entire world. Of what use are these objects if they can not bring any comfort to a troubled soul? This bed, this laptop, this cupboard, this pen stand - actually, this one was Tarun's favorite. As Trishna used to remark, he was getting ready for "throwing olympics". Given that he threw everything that he could lift, who knows - he might have indeed gone for the olympics. And yes, might is the operative word.

For we will never know, and he will never have a chance to prove himself. Nor will Iti.

In the end, the fact that he had the bottle of sleeping pills in his hand was not surprising at all. The resolve with which he opened the lid was a bit surprising. The speed with which he gulped down almost the entire bottle was pretty surprising. But perhaps the most surprising was the shrill voice that said "Daddy.... we are home..."

My foodie fantasies

I often fantasize about food.
Of course I have dreams where I create technology to the obliterate energy shortage of the world. It generally is a amalgamation of more efficient machines and in-situ electricity generation. But this post is not about that. Its about my food dreams.

I dream about being surrounded by tandoori items - from murg angara to chicken tikka, from fish tikka to rosht ghost. In my sleep, I can almost feel the taste on my taste buds.

Then there are other nights where I am in a orchard specializing in nothing in particular - infact, it has grapes, apples, chikus, watermelons & bananas - all at the same place. Entierly mindful of the fact that there is a very little chance of having a the suitable climate for it to happen, I allow myself a little leeway - for its just a dream!

Then there are nights where I conjure up images of my mother cooking some wonderful food for me. Any food that she cooks tastes delicious to me - As I believe, is the case with everyone else.

Then there are nights where I have a full punjabi meal with makke-di-roti , sarson-da-saag & lassi. On other nights, I don a more continental taste with lasagna, steak & baked bowl finding favour.

PS- This post have been specially prepared for those people who are planning to throw a party. If your platter includes any of the aforementioned items, please do call me. I will grace the occasion with my presence. :P

PPS- If you dont know my address/phone number, and want to invite me for a party, no problem. just email me at ankit.ashok@gmail.com . I WILL contact you.

Source of motivation

Watched "Slum dog Millionaire" last night. and have not stopped thinking about it.
A wonderful movie - none of the actors overshadowed a 10/10 script. And the best part about the movie - the guy never forgets his childhood love, and tries to get her time and again: despite all odds. All this while there was not once that they professed love towards each other. Like the instance when he had to fight his elder brother to try to elope with the girl. And the girl willing to sacrifice for the sake of the boy.

The story got me thinking, what motivated the protagonist to do all that he did. For that matter, what drives a person to attempt world defying feats? what makes a man try things that none else would imagine doing? Assuming everyone to be rational, a person will venture into such a thing only if he/she finds the potential rewards to be greater than the value of the effort required. The only way this could happen with a consistent valuation is that he/she sees a potential that others don't. It requires a vision to be able to spot an opportunity when its not evident. Also it needs courage to try out new things, may be the fact that they trust themselves when they do so makes them successful. Ancient Chinese script, Tao Te Ching says - Love gives the ability to be brave. In this context, its the love for the winning that gives them the ability to attempt things unprecedented.

Lets look at various motivational techniques people use:
For a few people, its easier to stay focused if they have something to look for, like Clearing IIT-JEE, Clearing CAT, designing a novel pump, building a world class organization.

But if a persons' aspirations, dreams are limited to falling into the arms of some other person: I don't see how that can drive him/her. Probably I am ignorant of the ways love works.


As I am pretty sure, you must have observed: The journey towards the goal is often more fun filled than the destination itself. That is what drove the founders of now world leading companies - continual improvement. Once establishing the organisation was complete, they could have gone to cool off their heels. But they did not - they toiled hard, to improve, even if by just a tiny bit. That's what made them great.

Its the determination and perseverance that gave them a reason to work. And when a quantifiable goal is cut-out, motivation comes naturally.

But is the challenging work, the only motivating factor for us? Apparently no. As documented so well in numerous Bollywood scripts and romantic novels, "LOVE" triumphs all when it comes to motivating the protagonists. Apart from that, (I risk being politically incorrect when I write this, but what the hell !), money that one makes while working is also a huge (de)motivating influence.
Probably its to do with personal priorities. Different people are driven by different things and its the valuation of the work-love-money mix against one's own standards is what determines the motivation level.

PS - While writing the "Different people are driven by different things..", I could not help recalling the lovely Obelix from the Asterix series who cared for nothing more than a sumptuous meal of wild boars. Well now You know why I named this blog "Foodological".