Reality... or hallucination?

It was a new day, new hopes, new desires, new energy. Ishan looked at the calender with an almost literal spring in his steps. It was... the 18th of April. A bag of flour would have scorned at the resistance shown by him while falling onto his bed.

18th April. He did remember this date. Was it even humanly possible for him to forget this date?

He would call his office and let them know that he wouldnt go there as he was sick - down with tearing nostalgia. Of a date that he hoped would be wiped off all calenders. For an event which he could never delete from his mind.

In general, days were not particularly tough on Ishan, it was the nights that he dreaded. The thought of coming back home to an eternity of solitude gave him shivers.

He was alone not by choice. He was alone because he had to be.

Tonight - for under such agonising pain, the world blacked out for him - was no different from the plethora of such nights, indistinguishable from each other, marked perhaps only by the strain involved in keeping himself from thinking about alternate histories.  "What if he had heard the weather forecast for the day.." , "What if he had joined Trishna, Iti and Tarun that day?", "What if..."

Trishna liked to let her hair out to dry. Iti had started copying her mother and would always call out " Dad, look.. I have hair like Ma."...

Ishan hated life, the day, and the entire world. Of what use are these objects if they can not bring any comfort to a troubled soul? This bed, this laptop, this cupboard, this pen stand - actually, this one was Tarun's favorite. As Trishna used to remark, he was getting ready for "throwing olympics". Given that he threw everything that he could lift, who knows - he might have indeed gone for the olympics. And yes, might is the operative word.

For we will never know, and he will never have a chance to prove himself. Nor will Iti.

In the end, the fact that he had the bottle of sleeping pills in his hand was not surprising at all. The resolve with which he opened the lid was a bit surprising. The speed with which he gulped down almost the entire bottle was pretty surprising. But perhaps the most surprising was the shrill voice that said "Daddy.... we are home..."

Communication gap - His and Her

Anokhi : We are not going to need this ever, why even bother drafting and signing it?
Ishan : Its just a contingency document.

Anokhi : But you think it might happen.
Ishan : I just want to be sure that we dont have hard feelings, in case.

Anokhi : In case? Incase of what Ishan? Divorce, right? I dont think there can be any divorce if there are no hard feelings. Adding some more would not really hurt then.
Ishan: But I just wanted to be sure.

Anokhi : Sure that you dont lose anything when you get a divorce?
Ishan : I was thinking of if rather than when.

Anokhi : Ishan, thinking of a pre-nuptial agreement is thinking of a divorce even before you get married.
Ishan : I once heard a maxim - Dont get in unless you know the way out.

Anokhi : Then maybe you hould not get in at all.

And Mars and Venus need to know about each other to understand them.

Chatting - His and Hers

Ankit.iBanker@gmail.com: Hi

Chama.Chef@gmail.com : Hey, Hi

                                         How are you?

Ankit.iBanker@gmail.com: Hope you remember me, we met last night

                                          Cool

                                          I am fine. was just sitting and thinking how awesome yesterday was.

Chama.Chef@gmail.com : yes, it was good. DJ Raunak does infuse life in a party.

Ankit.iBanker@gmail.com: .Yes, he most certainly does.

                                          Btw, the music wasn't the only thing that awesome yesterday.

Chama.Chef@gmail.com : is it? I did not notice anything else being cool.

Ankit.iBanker@gmail.com:  Hmm, ah well, hmm ya , as in

                                           ya, there weren't too many things happening also.

Chama.Chef@gmail.com : Though I was asked on the dance floor by an OK type guy. :)

Ankit.iBanker@gmail.com: It was small gathering anyway

                                         :)

                                         :)

                                          I am sure that guy would be awfully flattered at being considered OK :)

Chama.Chef@gmail.com : Hmm, I do try to bring smiles to people, you know.

Ankit.iBanker@gmail.com: You know, I was scared that I might forget your email id - after all we had had enough booze to sedate an entire army :)  

Chama.Chef@gmail.com : You had had a lot more than me.

                                         and why do you think I wrote my id down and gave it to you? :)

                                         Btw, totally love these expressions you come up with.

Ankit.iBanker@gmail.com: You have read such expressions before? 

                                          :( I was hoping  to impress you with these :(

Chama.Chef@gmail.com : Yes, I read them on your blog.

Ankit.iBanker@gmail.com: And you have read my blog too. So its like I dont have an iota of chance to impress you. 

Chama.Chef@gmail.com : You really are as naive as you sounded yesterday.

                                         First up, I would like to know more about the guy I was dancing with last night. -                                               Atleast more than his name is Ankit and works at an Investment bank.

                                          And if I were you, I would try to capitalize on the fact that girl has read my blog - rather than ruing how I could have lifted things from there. :P

Ankit.iBanker@gmail.com: Being verbose is not something that comes naturally to me

                                          I typically need a lot of alcohol in my system before that happens :)

Chama.Chef@gmail.com : :)

                                         I can at least vouch for you being verbose when inebriated :)

Ankit.iBanker@gmail.com: Anyway, if I remember correct, you are a Mexican food specialist chef at a five star hotel.

Chama.Chef@gmail.com : I like that you could manage to remember so much from last night.

                                         Yes, I am chef (you could guess that from the id itself  :) )

                                         Let me see if you remember something not-so-obvious

Ankit.iBanker@gmail.com: Hmm, not-so-obvious .. Telling you that you have an extremely pretty smile would be extremely obvious, so thats ruled out.

                                         And that the way that you remove those hair strands from in front of your face - it makes my knees go weak. - but even that might be obvious

                                          Something that might not be so obvious to you is that to muster the courage to talk to you, I had to gulp down much more beer than I normally do.

Chama.Chef@gmail.com : I like it when flirting is concealed under a sheath of "ah-so-obvious" ramblings :)

                                         And btw, it WAS obvious to me :)

Ankit.iBanker@gmail.com: Now, thats interesting ..

                                          btw, you mentioned that you were moved by the plight that regionalism has brought and the hinderance it creates for national growth.

Chama.Chef@gmail.com : Yes, it sad, isn't it?

                                         National integration is indeed a burning problem right now. Whats the point of the country growing if all the people do not get some benefit out of it.

Ankit.iBanker@gmail.com: Yes, and stopping people from working at certain areas, just reduces the economic efficiency of operation. If the leaders see this nation as a single entity, they would try to distribute resources as to develop the entire nation rather than parts of it. 

Chama.Chef@gmail.com : Though we definitely dont a China-type communist rule - The government deciding where and what to invest. It would probably be best to frame policies to allow for growth everywhere and let economics take over from there on.

Ankit.iBanker@gmail.com: Bingo ! If you were not a chef, you could have been an economist.

                                          Though I doubt if they dont automatically disqualify girls over a certain level of beauty.

Chama.Chef@gmail.com : What amazes me is that you can get to flirting from any topic. Don't you get bored of it?

Ankit.iBanker@gmail.com: Someone once quipped about quitting smoking - "I have quit smoking many a times, but to be unnatural and not appreciate the beauty in front, its a insult to both the beauty and its maker."

Chama.Chef@gmail.com : Too much of cheesy lines can expand your waistline, you know?

Ankit.iBanker@gmail.com: Is it?

                                          So do you leave calories count note of the kind "Without any chessy lines - 300. With a bit of flattery - 375. With pure and unabridged adulation - 550"?

Chama.Chef@gmail.com : :)

                                          I haven't done that yet, but now I have a mind to do that :)

                                          But before that I will have to ask my manager if he would be fine with such explanatory notes :)

Ankit.iBanker@gmail.com: Good work ethos dictate that you do that.

                                          would you need some help in convincing your manager, do call in the (free) services of the author.

Chama.Chef@gmail.com : Hmm, I don't think it would be a good thing to take someone to pitch an idea for me.

                                        Maybe I can get more details sorted out about this idea before I meet him.

 Ankit.iBanker@gmail.com: Ya, that makes sense. How about tomorrow night, at 8?

                                           We can have a nice dinner and maybe discuss things there.

Chama.Chef@gmail.com : Seems good to me.

                                         See you tomorrow. And we will discuss only this idea then :)

Ankit.iBanker@gmail.com: Yes, sure we will :)

Chama.Chef@gmail.com : Anyway, good night. got to get to work early to leave early.

Ankit.iBanker@gmail.com: Good night.

And Mars and Venus continue to find excuses to bump into each other

His and Hers

How can buying a pair of shoes be such a big deal? Why is Amrita making such  a fuss about me not accompanying her shoe-shopping? Maybe she is really tired, but then she shouldn't go - I don't understand this fixation with shopping! Bah, women!

How can Rahul not want to join me for shopping! We should now start doing things together. Just the other day he said he likes my shoes. Now that I want him to come and suggest things to me - not that I will allow him to choose, he has terrible sense of clothing and everything else associated with it. But still, we must spend time doing things as couples now. The way he seems to be avoiding such stuff gets me worried - is he not committed to make this work?

Its not as if I am going to choose shoes - or that she will let me do that. So whats the point of me going there?

I bet he has one of those stupid matches coming up. I just hate it when he does that. Everytime, everytime that we have to go somewhere - one of those cricket or football matches will be airing. And he will make some stupid excuses and abscond from whatever we were supposed to be doing. He does not even listen to me while the match is at "interesting" stage. Games are so passive! His, or for that matter anyone's viewing is not going to affect anything on the ground, so why bother watching. But who is to drill this logic in his head? That's why I have put the remote in a "safe" place so that he does not waste his time watching stupid things.

There is nothing to do now, I don't even seem to find the stupid remote. God knows where I kept it the last time. Amrita still expects me to go for that stupid shoe shop. Maybe I should go. Then after coming back, I can ask her to search for the remote. She is pretty good at finding things that get lost around here. She even found that Mumbai Indians t-shirt that I wore almost everyday before it was lost somewhere in the house itself. I love my wife!

Rahul has agreed to come shoe shopping with me! I am so fortunate to have such a caring husband. He is not the kind who professes his love, but he could not stand me going alone - and it gladdens me to no end. I will return the remote as soon as we get back here. I love my husband!

And Mars and Venus coexist.

The train station

My tryst with fiction continues.

Renuka looked around. No, Neel was not to be seen. The train had started leaving the station. It was now or never. If she had to ever leave this place, it had to be now. But how could she leave without Neel? How could she live without Neel. He was her knight in shinning armour. Her very own boy toy. A smile crept on her face as she remembered something about the boy toy.

But where was he? They were supposed to meet at the railway station half an hour ago. How can he be so careless?

Oh, the train is picking up speed. Should I stay onboard and wait for him to come to Delhi, or disembark here itself and wait for him to get to the station? I - I am eloping because I want to be with him. Whats the point of going alone. I would rather stay here.

As she set down her luggage, all of one college bag and an airbag, she was wondering - what could have kept Neel from coming down to the station. Had he got caught? But in that case She would have been hunted down too. So atleast he has not been caught. Thats a positive. Or is it? Because it means that worse things could be true.

To take her my off the other (seemingly worse) possibilities, Renuka turned her attention towards other people waiting at the station. A playful five year girl was running all over the place. Her parents would calm her and force her to sit down every few minutes. In response she would flee to places that would be difficult to spot. Amused at this game for sometime, Renuka drew an immediate parallel with her own life. Though she was not fleeing in a childish reaction - Or was she? A lot of her actions now seemed to be more reactionary than otherwise. Like the time she bought a scooty pep even though she did not like it very much. Or when she increased the intensity of her "friendship" with Neel after her father reminded her that she was only 16. Oh, My God! Would I have loved Neel the way I do if it were not for father's opposition?

Just then a local train stopped at the station. hoards of school and college students got down. There were samples of every type of student in the motley group. From the "serious" students who seem focused and took long swift strides as if to reduce time wastage, to the carefree group who cared more about chatting than anything else. Then there were couples who seemed oblivious to the world around them. Renuka evaluated herself against the people rushing past her.

I am definitely prettier than her. Look at the handsome guy she is with. Dont know what he sees in her.

Her earrings are so cute. Wonder where she got them from. Maybe it is from the new shop on Valabh Road. If I stay here, the first thing that I will do is check that shop out. Hold it, why am I thinking of staying here? I was supposed to have fled from this place an hour ago. Cant fathom what happened to Neel. What could have..

Hey, that girl is wearing the same shoes as mine. Bet she has a good taste. Somehow she looks nerdy, very career focused and all.

These focused people would probably have a good career. Hold it, I can focus hard - Why am I not thinking about my career? I have decent score in my 12th boards. Its been about an year into economics college - and granted that I havent done all too well till now, but that does not mean I cant make up for it. I heard there are good jobs for an economics graduate in Delhi. Hey, Sheela is in Delhi, doing economics - I should call her and ask ... I can actually ask her for colleges and admissions too actually. I can continue/ start over my studies, once in Delhi.

Why would I be in Delhi? Oh, Neel ! That stupid guy. I bet he did not have the guts to elope. He just wasn't man enough. Man! Dad. He has always been such an image of strength. But we havent talked for a long time - dont know what happened... Maybe I should call him.

Hey Dad, how are you?
- Hi, Beta, everything ok?
Haan papa, everything is fine. Just that we havent talked in some while now, so I thought that maybe we can talk.
- Sure Beta, tell me whats going on?
Papa, I want to BE someone. I want to build and live an independent life, have my own world.
- Great, My beta is growing up ! great! Beta, we are always there for you. We always wanted you make your own choices. Just that as a parent, we are a bit worried for you. So that you dont make wrong choices.
(Long Pause) Can you come and get me at Railway station, platform number 5? I have thoughts about moving to Delhi. There are better colleges and job opportunities there. I would like to discuss it in detail with you and mummy.
- (slightly startled) Yes beta, I am coming over. Just wait for me.

Wanderer

My first attempt at fiction, so if you feel terribly uncharitable, this might not be the best read.

He was not mad. Atleast he dint think so.

He just lived differently. He did not believe in the societal definition of good and bad. He wanted to feel the bliss, the excitement, the energy. And he couldnt find them in ways that the society found great. Not that he dint try - He had being trying for 17 odd years when he enrolled in the best engineering college of the country. It took him 2 years to realize that he did not want to do engineering afterall.

He dropped out of college voluntarily. It created a furor in his friends and family circles. He tried his best to explain that he wanted to "live" life, but to no avail. He gave up on them.

He got fascinated by the numbers on the stock market, and took up stock trading. He was good at it - Made a lot of money. There were silent words of praise for the "madman" who had left an institution that many are ready to die to get into.

One fine spring morning, He abandoned this too. By now, he had got bored of this work. Again, for sometime he had no clue what he wanted to do. Again, there were sounds of what a fool he is to relinquish such a well paying "career".

He then took up writing as his "vocation". It pleased him to write - about humans, about fantasies, about nature. But pretty soon, he was bored of it too. He wanted to break free, again. And break-free he did!

He took up wild life photography next. At least thats what he told people the last time he met them. He is untraceable for more than a year now. No one knows what he is doing right now. Maybe he is too engrossed in the beauty of the wild to wish to come back to the "civilized" life which has never failed to disappoint him in keeping him interested.